The fatty has returned

August 2, 2014

So, my depression has been pretty bad lately which for me means increased late night binges caused by sleeping all day and comfort eating at random points. The lack of structure in my diet combined with my inability to leave the house means my weight has visibly ballooned, but I’m ready to take control again. I leave for Barcelona with my mates on the 20th August so I have less than 3 weeks to shed this extra weight. What a challenge.

Anyway, today I have eaten:

B – nothing (0)

L – boiled egg white (17)

S – approx. 8 boiled sweets (64)

D – salad (200) and pepsi max (2)

= 283 calories

I’m considering going for a run later in the evening to get some physical activity and speed up the weight loss process. Tomorrow I will be better; by that I mean I won’t shove eight sweets into my mouth at snack time, though I am pleased that I stopped there and it didn’t turn into a binge, which it so easily could have done… Anyway, until Barca I’m not allowing myself to eat more than 300 calories daily and I also must burn some of it off either by going for long walks or jogging in the evening (because it won’t be so hot and unbearable!)

EDIT: later this night I went for a run, which was really terrible. I can’t believe how unfit I’ve become. What have I been doing to my body?? When I got back I felt really faint and ended up eating 10 more sweets (80) bringing my calorie intake up to 363 hahahah I hate myself. To make up for it thought I’ve just done loads of exercises in my room, including 100 jumping jacks, 10 squats, 10 leg lifts on each side and other random bits. Hopefully that cancels out the sweets a bit, but to be safe I’m being much stricter tomorrow.

Today’s intake

July 7, 2014

Breakfast: 4 rich tea biscuits (152) and yoghurt (40)

Lunch: thai gren curry with 1/4 potato and mixed vegetables (200)

Snacks: 10 cherries (40) go ahead snack bar (148) 1 biscuit (55)

Dinner: 1 small corn on the cob (98) and tea (15)

= 748 calories

 

Not this again

July 7, 2014

So, unsurprisingly, I return once again. I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve updated this, and looking back through my old entries is so surreal. Quite a lot has changed since my last post. I started university last September and everything has been pretty fucking hectic since then. My weight has fluctuated incredibly for the past few months; I went from very thin, to slim, to thin again, to where I am now which is disgusting and flabby. In April this year I attempted suicide by overdosing on painkillers, and shortly after I was officially diagnosed with clinical depression (something that has factored into my weight gain, as I haven’t had the energy or motivation to cook or buy food so ended up ordering in every day). This summer I am focusing on losing at least fifty pounds before the start of term because currently I can’t even bear to look at myself in the mirror. I’m also trying to improve my frame of mind before I go back to uni.

Being at home for summer is awful. The depression is setting in pretty bad which means I am isolating myself from my family and withdrawing further into my mind, but of course they have misinterpreted this as difficult and anti-social behaviour. Urgh. I’m really struggling with loneliness and feelings of low self worth, but somehow I have managed not to self harm while I’ve been home, mainly by looking at my scars and reminding myself of how gross and embarrassing they are.

ANYWAY I am limiting myself to 800 calories daily as I think it’s realistic and I am desperate to drop all this extra fat that seems to have found its way onto me in the recent months. This shouldn’t be too hard!

Breakfast

January 16, 2013

I have an exam today so I made sure to eat a good, low calorie breakfast even though it’s difficult for me to stomach it with these terrible nerves!

image

Five strawberries, two honey and oat Belvita breakfast biscuits, and a cup of tea! Wish me luck.

Today has been great so far, food wise. On New Years I decided that I wanted 2013 to be the year I finally reached my goal of losing weight and eventually finding happiness in myself and my body. In order for this to happen, it dawned on me that I would therefore need to adopt a more healthier approach to dieting which includes several changes that I began today (a week late, but I needed time to adjust and get back into a normal routine after the Christmas break!).

These are the changes: – an increased calorie intake limit of 1000 calories – more fruit and vegetables incorporated – making an effort to walk more daily – increasing the amount of water consumed – stressing less about calorie content – allowing myself healthy and yummy snacks – sticking to a bedroom exercise routine I’m really pleased with my choices to be more healthy and give my body what it wants and needs, rather than denying it of certain nutrients for the sake of losing weight, only to stuff my face later on and feel crappy. I want this to be a lifestyle change, mot a quick-fix, crash diet.

Here is what I have eaten so far today, and what I plan to have for dinner in a couple of hours:

B – two honey and oats belvita breakfast biscuits (58)
S – a medium apple (60)
L – rice and chilli con carne (284) with vegetables (30)
S – one raisin brunch bar (150)
D – two wholemeal toasts (210) with peanut butter (68) and banana slices (90)
= 900 calories

I have a really great feeling about 2013.

Right, so as those of you who follow me already know, I’ve returned to restricting mode but with an increased limit of 700 calories (ew it seems so much when I type it but I know it’s the right thing to do) and since I’m having a new start, I thought it’d make sense to sit down for minutes and make a daily food plan. This is what I usually prefer having because it helps to keep the structure and I’m more likely to stick to it if it’s all mapped out and ready. Plus it means I am less likely to give up and binge because I’m eating more now and at regular intervals. On the bus journey home from sixth form, I made two different meal plans – one for the weekdays when I have school, and another for weekends. I thought some of you may be interested in reading what I will be eating and maybe you might want to copy it as it is extremely filling and pretty healthy, not to mention yummy!

Click here!! to read my weekday meal plan

Click here!! to read my weekend meal plan

I feel so motivated and ready to finally start losing weight and feeling good about myself because right now I am just big sack of lard; it’s pathetic. As for today’s intake:

B – toast w/ jam (118) and tea (15)

L – weight watchers beef lasagna (247) eurgh this tasted horrible, I won’t be buying this one again!

S – special k biscuits (98) and medium orange (55)

D – baked beans (60) w/ boiled egg white (17)

= 610 calories

Today has been such a great day! I don’t feel guilty about eating that much because I’m just full and satisfied so there is no chance I’ll be scoffing my face later on. Hopefully I can keep this up for the rest of the week, and the week after that haha. I usually slip up and binge by Wednesday but I don’t see that happening this time, because I’m just feeling so positive about everything.

I hope you’re all have a good day, too!

Today’s intake

November 11, 2012

Today's intake

I went food shopping today and found these yummy little beauties – full ready meals for less than 300 calories a bowl. Not only that, but it was on offer, 3 for only £3 so I bought a variety of different meals. One of them was a beef lasagne (as pictured), and the other two was a chicken curry and chilli con carne with rice. Yum.

My intake today was:

B – two belvita breakfast biscuits (116) a small banana (60) and tea (15)
L – chilli con carne with rice (284)
S – medium orange (55)
D – yet to be decided

I’m keeping my calorie intake below 700 calories from now on, which is an increase from the usual 500 but I’ve noticed it’s a lot more difficult to get through the school day on only 500 calories.

Finally back again!

November 9, 2012

A lot has happened in my personal life which has prevented me from updating as regularly as I used to, and it’s also made me eat so much more and gain back far too much weight. I’m not going to go into detail about it, but I got pregnant even though I was on contraception and ended up terminating it. On top of that, I’ve been under a lot of stress with school exams, university applications, and my relationship, but I’m sick of putting junk into my body and feeling like shit so I am ready to start losing weight again.

As I type this, I am lying in bed with my tummy rumbling because I have been awake for over 4 hours but still haven’t eaten breakfast yet. I will in a second, but first I am going to plan out my intake for today so I don’t go out of control. My calorie limit is 600 calories and here is what I plan to eat:

B – two belvita breakfast biscuits (116) and tea w/brown sugar (15)

L – spaghetti and sausages in a tomato sauce (162)

S – medium orange (62)

D – tomato soup (76) w/ melba toast (24)

= 455 calories

Today’s intake

September 14, 2012

B – belvita breakfast biscuit (58) and tea (15)

S – raisins (42) and diet coke (1)

L – sushi snack box (165)

D – turkey (53), sweetcorn (63) w/ gravy (15)

= 412 calories

My apologies!

September 13, 2012

I’m sorry about the lack of updates recently – I’ve been very busy with personal problems which I may or may not post on here, I’m not sure yet. On top of that, my laptop charger broke so I haven’t had access to a private computer to blog with. Right now I am making this post from a computer at school (college) which is risky but neccessary. I hope all of you are doing okay. When I get home I will write a more detailed post, so expect that in a few hours!

Love, Rain xxx

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