The past few days my relationship with my boyfriend has felt under strain. The loneliness and helplessness I’ve felt as a result has meant I’ve been finding it hard to stop myself from eating anything and everything. Towards the end of last week it even got to the point where I was eating at 4am before going to sleep, and first thing when I woke up to satisfy my urge. Naturally, this has left me feeling constantly full and bloated, and also with terrible stomach pains. Add this to the fact I’m at home all day, everyday, and you’ve got the equation for some serious weight gain…

Well, I’m sick of it. I’m sick of giving in to every craving, to every food thought, to every┬átantalising smell of food cooking. I’m sick of waiting for everyone to go to sleep so I can raid the kitchen for leftovers and sit in front of the TV shoving it into my mouth. I’m sick of always feeling weak, and tired, and fat. Sick of it, sick of it, sick of it.

Today marks the start of extreme restricting and indoor exercises to whip me back in shape. I’m limiting myself to 300 calories today, all of which I’m going to burn off either on the Wii or doing some other form of exercise. I’m also tempted to drink a cup of Slimatee laxative tea just for that lovely, empty feeling I haven’t felt in so long. I realise this is unhealthy and stupid among various other things, but I’m desperate and out of my mind.

Wish me luck?

The time now is 3:15 am

April 5, 2012

My boyfriend and I have just had a huge argument where it truly felt like he was finally sick of me and was going to end it. So naturally, I’ve popped open the freezer and served myself a generous helping of mint choc chip and vanilla ice cream to diminish my blues; I am now sitting on the sofa with a blanket around me watching early morning TV shows. I will regret this once I’ve woken up tomorrow, but right now I’m saying a big FUCK YOU to calories.

It is at moments like these in my life that I wish I had friends.

Such is my life.

Gorgeous legs

April 1, 2012

Gorgeous legs

Summer's around the corner

I want legs like this for summer! I love wearing shorts, and it’d be great to wear them without feeling fat and self-conscious. I’m going to start toning up my legs and doing cardio to get rid of this excess fat (my boyfriend insists it doesn’t exist) so I don’t always have to wear tights to feel comfortable.

The only thing is I have loads of self harm scars on my thighs that are visible when I wear shorts ­čśŽ

Flat stomach

April 1, 2012

Thin legs and pointy knees