Back at school

June 11, 2012

Today was rainy, tiring and extremely miserable; I always dread the first day back at school after a few weeks away from it all. To make the day even more depressing, my boyfriend and I have fallen out and now he won’t speak to me. Great.

I have been thinking more and more about self harm: looking through old photos of my fresh cuts, and scrolling through pictures of other people’s cuts. I can not let myself get back into that, though recently it has become increasingly tempting… So far I’ve managed to stay away (partly because all razors have been hidden away from my reach by my family) but if this frame of mind continues and the urge gets stronger, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold off.

In terms of eating though, today has been pretty successful. I decided earlier that I would change my eating habits and my attitudes towards eating. Rather than restricting to as little as possible and inevitably bingeing later on, I’ve decided to start trying to listen to my body, eating only when I’m hungry and making healthy choices, rather than depriving myself of food. I’m also thinking of changing my daily calorie limit – at the moment it is only 500 calories but I may increase it to 700, or thereabouts.

Today’s intake:

B – four slices of melba toast (52) w/ light cheese (25) and an egg white (17)

L – sushi snack pack (140) w/ soy sauce (20)

S – medium apple (60) and two ice lollies (34)

D – tomato soup (76) w/ two slices of melba toast (26)

= 450 calories

I’m surprised it’s so little; I was expecting to be well over 500 calories because of that sushi (which I ended up regretting even though I tried to will myself not to) but all’s well it seems. I still haven’t started a steady exercise regime and stuck to it. That needs to change!

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