She is just lovely

July 31, 2012

She is just lovely

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I'd love to be so pretty

Earlier today, I walked in on my older sister weighing herself in my bedroom. She’s been trying to lose weight for some time now, with my mum, though she’s pretending it’s just an attempt to eat healthily and stay fit. Of course I knew she was lying – that’s such a classic excuse for eating less to lose weight. She’s not fat or overweight in any way, but clearly has issues with her body like most of us.

How does this make me feel? Well, you can imagine. Sisters are usually pretty competitive from what I know, and I’ve always felt like I need to be thinner than my older sister in particular. Reading through my old diaries from when I first started all of this in 2009, I make references to her many times, even listing one of my reasons for losing weight as ‘to make E jealous’. I guess it’s because of the fact that she’s better than me at everything – she’s much smarter, a lot more popular, great at sports, prettier and the list goes on – so this is perhaps my opportunity to be better at something.

Knowing she is on a diet has just motivated me more to stick with my 600 calorie limit and lose more weight than her. If I can’t be smarter/prettier/more popular, at least I can be thinner!

Actually so perfect

July 23, 2012

Actually so perfect

This is so shit – my parents gave me over £200 for my birthday in May yet here I am with only £20 left of it. And why? Well, because I had to fork out £160 for my boyfriend to stay in a hotel for two nights. Arrghh, it’s so annoying. I don’t have a job and my parents don’t give me pocket money over the holidays, plus I can’t exactly ask them for more because they’ve already given me so much and they think I still have it. As you can imagine, my broke state made it really hard to buy anything today when I went grocery shopping without feeling incredibly guilty. Not because of the calories, but because of the money I was spending. I hate it.

Well then, it’s safe to say that today’s food shopping experience was no where near as fun as it usually is. Regardless, I bought four cans of Weight watcher’s tomato soup, a 12-pack of coke zero, two apples, a packet of melba toast (now down to 12 calories per slice!), special K chocolate cereal bars and low fat marshmallows with wafers.

Today’s intake:

B – apple (60) with toffee yogurt (88)

L – prawn salad (70) and diet coke (1)

S – marshmallow w/ wafer (50), raisins (42), diet coke (1)

D – tomato soup (76) w/ two slices of melba toast (24)

= 412 calories

That’s alright; it’s more than yesterday, but it’s still alright. I’ve managed to get in half an hour’s walk on the way to the supermarket and also did fifty sit ups on my bed. That is no where near I want to be doing but at least it’s something.

Ah, I really love this

July 23, 2012

Ah, I really love this

(Btw, from now on all images I post will be in black and white)

Motivational image

July 23, 2012

Motivational image

I’m so jealous

July 23, 2012

Today in a nutshell

July 22, 2012

Woah, I just noticed I’ve had a random influx of viewers! Where have you all come from? It’s good to know I’m not just writing all this to myself, though I never expected anyone would ever read this blog.

Today hasn’t been so bad I guess – my only regret is eating an extra nectarine and not doing any exercise, but it could have been much worse, right? I really need to stop being such a lazy fat arse though and start doing even just a tiny bit of exercise. Seriously. I also need to start doing sit ups every night (at least 50 a night) because my stomach so horribly fat. It’s so depressing thinking back to the times when I didn’t need to do any sort of exercise yet still managed to maintain a perfectly toned stomach.

Anyway, here is today’s intake:

B – medium nectarine (62) with a glass of ice water (0)

L – tea w/ brown sugar (15) and two biscuits (76)

S – a small box of raisins (43) and a can of diet coke (1)

D – medium banana (105) and a nectarine (62)

= 364 calories

That’s not too bad, but I can’t help feeling guilty for eating that extra nectarine after the banana. I really didn’t need it; I’m just so bloody greedy and fat fat fat. Everything I’ve eaten today has been little snacks. I haven’t had any proper meals because I couldn’t find anything low calorie to make in my house, which meant I just grazed on anything I could find that I deemed healthy enough. Eh.

Tomorrow I’m going to take a walk to the shopping centre to look for new shoes – I usually take the bus there but I figured walking would be a good way to get some exercise in – even though I don’t currently have enough money to actually buy any. I’m also going to go grocery shopping for enough food to last me a week, and not just snacks like today but actual meals. Those of you who are familiar with my blog with know that shopping for food is awkward for me as I still live with my family since I’m not old enough to live alone. This means I’m forced to hide anything I buy in stupid places like among my clothes… FUN! Apart from this I do really enjoy food shopping.

On a completely different note, I’m back with my boyfriend. We’ve actually been on and off since we got back together and I completely hate it. I’ve never wanted to be in this sort of relationship; I hate feeling so unsafe and like we’re going to split up any second.

I’m feeling fairly positive for tomorrow, despite it all.

Summer goals:

July 22, 2012

  • Get down to 120 pounds by August 31st (lose 20 pounds)
  • Sort out my wardrobe of clothes and shoes properly
  • Stop biting my nails and let them grow out
  • Get some sort of job over the summer holidays
  • Buy new pairs of shoes and clothes (if necessary)
  • Complete four chapters of my book for my school project
  • Start doing some sort of exercise for at least an hour every single day