Today has been great so far, food wise. On New Years I decided that I wanted 2013 to be the year I finally reached my goal of losing weight and eventually finding happiness in myself and my body. In order for this to happen, it dawned on me that I would therefore need to adopt a more healthier approach to dieting which includes several changes that I began today (a week late, but I needed time to adjust and get back into a normal routine after the Christmas break!).

These are the changes: – an increased calorie intake limit of 1000 calories – more fruit and vegetables incorporated – making an effort to walk more daily – increasing the amount of water consumed – stressing less about calorie content – allowing myself healthy and yummy snacks – sticking to a bedroom exercise routine I’m really pleased with my choices to be more healthy and give my body what it wants and needs, rather than denying it of certain nutrients for the sake of losing weight, only to stuff my face later on and feel crappy. I want this to be a lifestyle change, mot a quick-fix, crash diet.

Here is what I have eaten so far today, and what I plan to have for dinner in a couple of hours:

B – two honey and oats belvita breakfast biscuits (58)
S – a medium apple (60)
L – rice and chilli con carne (284) with vegetables (30)
S – one raisin brunch bar (150)
D – two wholemeal toasts (210) with peanut butter (68) and banana slices (90)
= 900 calories

I have a really great feeling about 2013.

Summer goals:

July 22, 2012

  • Get down to 120 pounds by August 31st (lose 20 pounds)
  • Sort out my wardrobe of clothes and shoes properly
  • Stop biting my nails and let them grow out
  • Get some sort of job over the summer holidays
  • Buy new pairs of shoes and clothes (if necessary)
  • Complete four chapters of my book for my school project
  • Start doing some sort of exercise for at least an hour every single day

Last week, as my boyfriend lay on the sofa staring at my naked body, he said ”I feel like you’ve gotten hotter and hotter since we’ve been together”. WHAAAAT?! Crazy boy, since we’ve been together I have gained a noticeable amount of weight – I even have photos from then, and comparing it to how I look now… well, let’s just say it’s more than a little bit traumatising. However, when I challenged him he said, ”no seriously, you definitely have!”.

Strange as it may seem, this has not stopped me from wanting to lose weight. In fact (and if you didn’t think I was insane before, that is probably about to change) it has made me even more determined to get smaller. My terribly disordered mind has convinced me that I deceived him, making him think my body is not disgusting. Therefore I now have to improve my body so that the next time he sees me naked he won’t think ‘what a stupid fat lying bitch, pretending she was hot’…

I told you I am crazy.

(Apologies for the lack of coherency; my mind is all over the place at the moment)

New goals and rewards

March 26, 2012

130lbs / 59kg – no rewards

125lbs / 57kg – new earrings

120lbs / 54kg – pretty new bikini

115lbs / 52kg – belly button piercing