This is just so cute

August 29, 2012

This is just so cute

In a few days (perhaps this weekend, I’m not too sure) the inevitable will happen: I will have to go clothes shopping to buy new things for the new school year, as all my other clothes are becoming much too worn and old. As much as I love buying new clothes and having new clothes, I absolutely despise the actual act of clothes shopping – it’s so frustrating! There’s way too much choice, way too many beautiful clothes that look terrible on me, way too many full-length mirrors, eager to point out my flaws and tell me how awfully fat my thighs look in those jeans. Aaarrgh. I hate it. I hate the crying in the changing rooms. I hate the skinny girls with skinny legs looking at the skinny jeans that my FAT self with my FAT legs would never be able to pull off. I hate trying on sizes that would have fit me last year and would even have been too big for me the year before that, yet having them tight and ill-fitting this year. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it all.

I’m not really looking forward to it but oh god I need new clothes, and new shoes and a new school bag (my other one broke on the final day!) so I’ll have to suck it up and go for it. It will probably just motivate me more, when I come home with all my new stuff and they look HORRIBLE on me as always.

Oh dear.

Today I began fasting, as promised in my previous text post. It’s going pretty well, I think. I have a slight stomach pain but I’m not feeling too hungry or anything and I’m so motivated that I could last for at least three days – it’d be great if I actually made it until school opened though. A clothing website that I’m registered with (asos.com) sent me a magazine today with all the new items they have in stock, and as a little treat they also sent a bar of Galaxy chocolate. It was yum. Well, I wouldn’t know if it was yum or not becauseĀ I didn’t eat any of it! Yeah, not even a tiny square. Instead I shared it out with my family and went upstairs with a mug of ice water. I felt proud which is a change from the feelings I’ve had recently (guilt and shame). I’m still fat though, let’s not forget.

At midday, I decided it would do me good to go for a walk, so I walked quite briskly to the shopping centre (I usually get the bus which is only 10 minutes) and it took me 20 minutes. I looked around at the shops and found a pair of caramel heeled ankle boots for half price! I ended up buying them after trying them on twice and debating with myself in my head. They’re gorgeous.

I’m only allowing myself to have water, diet fizzy drinks, and tea. Sadly we’ve run out of green tea which sucks but normal tea bags will have to do. I haven’t decided yet if I’ll be having my usual black tea with a teaspoon of brown sugar (15 calories) or if I’ll cut out any calories completely. Maybe I should have it with sugar every morning, just to help me keep on with this.

This post is completely all over the place. I don’t think it made any sense. Oh well… Wish me luck!

My boyfriend would love me looking like this

I'll forever wish I was someone else

My list of safe foods

August 28, 2012

A while ago I compiled a list of my ‘safe foods’, which are foods I’m most comfortable with eating when I’m restricting. You’ll probably see these foods a lot in my intake tag; it’s pretty much all I have when I start getting serious about losing weight and I’m not in binge mode. This is the edited version which includes new foods that I’ve started enjoying, like tomato soup for example.

– all fruits (ex. bananas)

– all vegetables

– fruit ice lollies

– rice cakes

– sugar free marshmallows

– low fat yogurt

– egg whites

– green tea

– diet drinks

– chewing gum

– sugar free jelly

– weight watchers tomato soup

These past few days I’ve been on binge mode because of my period. I hate myself for being so weak about it all and allowing my period to stop me from restricting which I was doing SO well with. I can’t seem to resist the cravings and hormones, apparently. When it’s over and done with I’m coming back on top form. I’ll be fasting until school starts again on the 6th of September, then I’ll eat 200 calories of fruits only for the weekend, and after I’ll maybe begin the ABC diet, I’m not sure.

So here’s the plan as it stands: when my period ends I will begin a 5 day fast right up until school starts, then on that Thursday I will only eat fruits and vegetable at a 200 calorie limit, and once it hits Monday I may or may not start the ABC diet (yes, I realise how unhealthy this plan is, please don’t lecture me).

Ahh I’m so jealous

August 27, 2012

Ahh I'm so jealous

Such thin legs

August 26, 2012

tumblr_m97m6ftkL71rwdzgao1_500

I tried my best, but I really can’t. It’s horrible and I have such a terrible pain in my stomach that I just can’t shake. It may be because I’m about to start my period, I don’t know.

Anyway, that means my calorie intake today is not 271.

271 – (76 / 2) = 233 calories

Today has been successful in terms of eating, which is usual when I’m on day one of getting back on track. In terms of exercise, I’ve been pretty pathetic (which, sadly, is always completely usual) despite my earlier promises of making an effort. Someone needs to give me a massive kick up the bum. I’m sure there would be plenty of volunteers, haha.

Anyway, my intake:

B – nothing, I woke up late (0)

L – potatoes (48), sweetcorn (28) w/ gravy (15)

S – diet coke (1), marshmallows (50), tea w/ brown sugar (15), ice lolly (14)

D – tomato soup (76), two slices of melba toast (24)

= 271 calories

At the moment, I am struggling through a tin of Weight watchers tomato soup. It’s cold now and I can’t bring myself to eat any more, but I have to because I know I will be hungry in an hour but won’t be allowed to eat anything else. Aahhhh. If anyone wants to come here and help me polish off this 76 calorie soup, be my guest!

I have high hopes for tomorrow.