Today’s intake

July 7, 2014

Breakfast: 4 rich tea biscuits (152) and yoghurt (40)

Lunch: thai gren curry with 1/4 potato and mixed vegetables (200)

Snacks: 10 cherries (40) go ahead snack bar (148) 1 biscuit (55)

Dinner: 1 small corn on the cob (98) and tea (15)

= 748 calories

 

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Not this again

July 7, 2014

So, unsurprisingly, I return once again. I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve updated this, and looking back through my old entries is so surreal. Quite a lot has changed since my last post. I started university last September and everything has been pretty fucking hectic since then. My weight has fluctuated incredibly for the past few months; I went from very thin, to slim, to thin again, to where I am now which is disgusting and flabby. In April this year I attempted suicide by overdosing on painkillers, and shortly after I was officially diagnosed with clinical depression (something that has factored into my weight gain, as I haven’t had the energy or motivation to cook or buy food so ended up ordering in every day). This summer I am focusing on losing at least fifty pounds before the start of term because currently I can’t even bear to look at myself in the mirror. I’m also trying to improve my frame of mind before I go back to uni.

Being at home for summer is awful. The depression is setting in pretty bad which means I am isolating myself from my family and withdrawing further into my mind, but of course they have misinterpreted this as difficult and anti-social behaviour. Urgh. I’m really struggling with loneliness and feelings of low self worth, but somehow I have managed not to self harm while I’ve been home, mainly by looking at my scars and reminding myself of how gross and embarrassing they are.

ANYWAY I am limiting myself to 800 calories daily as I think it’s realistic and I am desperate to drop all this extra fat that seems to have found its way onto me in the recent months. This shouldn’t be too hard!

Two days ago, my boyfriend came to London and we spent an amazing and eventful four days together. It was so much fun, but saying goodbye to him as he jumped back on the train to go home was really sad; I can’t wait until next time. While he was here I ate so much crap though, so now it’s time to sort myself out and get back on track. My calorie limit for today is 600 calories, though I doubt I’ll even eat that much since I woke up late and missed breakfast, then a few hours ago I had a very low calorie lunch (below 100 calories).

I will post my calorie intake by the end of the day, and will hopefully do some exercise in the form of sit ups, leg lifts and crazy dances around my room. It’s time to get my shit together, seriously.